Holding the tension

Have been thinking a lot recently about all the things we 'hold in tension' (popular phrase in preisty training) when our occupation is vicaring. When I was looking for my first post after my curacy I was repeatedly (and perhaps wisely), counseled that it was all about 'God's Time' and not my time, that everything would work itself out and I needed to stop pushing. What I think really happened is that I pushed and God pulled and I have found myself in the place intended as a result.

Having found myself on the verge of giving the same platitude to a colleague in the same position I was in 12 months ago I'm still irritated by the implication that 'God's Time' could conceivably require me to do absolutely nothing to discern the way forward.  My understanding of God's Kingdom is that we're all working together in the process of discernment. If I'm being fobbed off with a pat on the head and 'wait on God's time, deary' - it is too often an excuse to opt out of God's calling on each of our lives to get on a do something. If I trust that God's strength will uphold me, whether the outcome is success or failure in the eyes of this world, I am set free to act.  

I find myself now on the verge of my first APCM (annual church council meeting legally required in the Church of England for the election and appointment of roles within a church's life), with question marks over some of those roles as volunteers retire after years of dedicated service.  Half of me is stressed that the answer isn't neat and the roles haven't been filled by willing and forthcoming volunteers - the other half of me is contemplating 'God's time' again. I have acted, I have discussed, I have preached about vocation and discernment - I have even read the Church Representation Rules (extreme times call for extreme measures!) I now need to watch and pray, trusting God to do what is needed.  Maybe what is needed is a gap, a problem, a crisis, for the right people to hear and accept their particular calling.  I hold these things in tension, and pray the Vicar's prayer "Please God, help me not to snap."

Big Day

This is it then - today I will become a Vicar. I will finally formally have the title I have used so often during my curacy so I didn't have to explain to people the difference between one kind of priest and another.  I can't wait to get my church keys and start having a really good root around, finding out where things are and what things do.

From what I've read elsewhere in recent blogs from others in similar situations (thinking particularly of Vernacular Vicar's) the biggest struggle might be pacing myself. The working day/week is as long as a piece of string. It's a great and lively parish which already has a lot going on and loads of pro-active members of the congregation. What will God's vision be for us here?  I take on board concern shared by a colleague this week who said "It's reached that point when I need to know it's our vision, a shared vision - not just mine."

Watch this space!

Giddy Kipper

I am excited! As if life wasn't fun packed enough as it is the BBC are coming to my church.  For some reason which still hasn't been explained, instead of broadcasting the Pentecost Eucharist from a big flash cathedral (apparently it's one of their obligations under charter - Christmas, Easter and Pentecost) - they are coming to my church.  For 59 minutes we will be live on BBC 1 on Sunday June 12th. We've known about this for about 3 weeks but now the planning meetings are starting it's sinking in, slowly but surely.  And my head is easily turned - when one of the technical crew started talking about how they rigged the Abbey for the Royal Wedding I was impressed. When he went on to talk about his lovely weekend working in Carlisle and how good Lady Gaga was - well that really got me!

I am staggered to find myself in the position of being a curate who is writing a sermon which will be broadcast live on national telly. I am trying not to be a dithering nitwit. I am failing.

One more woman...

On the basis of recent conversations on Twitter about the low profile women in the Christian bloggosphere - I have resurrected the blog that I never used when I first set it up 4 years ago. I used to feel like blogging was screaming into the abyss - or at the very best attributing an interest in your opinion to others which seemed highly unlikely. Strangely I feel more comfortable about doing this now - and I think it may be because since ordination I've got used to preaching - something I'd never done before. Now I regularly stand up in a public place and share my opinions about God's word, I feel more comfortable trying to inhabit this public space to share ideas and throw a few things around. I may still be attributing an unlikely interest in my opinion to others, but hey - now I partly do that for a living I'm living with the guilt.