"Scathing
report condemns UK police for 'victim blaming' in rape cases".
Undercover journalist pretending to be
drunk followed to hotel by man
This morning I am raging and devastated. It is the first link
above that left me sat at my kitchen table in tears at 7.30am. When I told my
husband why I was upset he said "but did you see....(link 2)", and as
we were talking the third story came up on the radio news. And that's
just a random Thursday in December.
I consider myself to be a feminist. I always have
done. Because feminists were the ones who were speaking out for equality
- and equality makes things better for everyone. It always seemed to me that
equality was a significant part of the Gospel I was baptised into as a child,
and educated in by people who have always lived with kindness, generosity and
respect for others. I don't know when and how I noticed the world I lived in
was unequal for men and women, I just always knew - and the priest who prepared
me for confirmation at age 11 was highly amused by my take on the creation
story in Genesis as a result.
I am also a middle aged priest who might be said to be 'doing
alright' for herself. I have been affirmed, encouraged and supported by
senior staff in the 14.5 years since my ordination. I am particularly grateful
to a wonderful Archdeacon, an Area Bishop who listened to her, and a Diocesan
Bishop who makes time to be fully present and fully engaged, encouraging my
ministry and encouraging me to grasp the challenges it brings. I have a
positive portfolio of roles which sit alongside my parish ministry. I could
be on the poster for the belief we have equality in church and world (or this
corner of it), that gender is no longer an issue when it comes to male and
female, that there is no bias, there are no barriers and it's meritocracy all
the way.
But this morning I want to ask all the well meaning, equality
purporting folks out there - if we have equality, if our church, our society
and our culture respects our equal humanity - why?
Why are men being released from prison who have a record of
violence against women as long as your arm, only to reoffend within days?
Women did not make this happen - but women pay the price with their lives.
Why can't a woman walk down a street, looking drunk or otherwise,
without some predator thinking their luck is in? Women did not make this happen
- but women pay the price with their bodies, minds and lives for this.
Why do women who advocate for issues and challenges that face
women still get told, often by their allies not to speak too
loud, not to be a one trick pony, not to 'bang the drum' too loud? Why
have I heard the words "well it's obviously not impacting on you, Rachel,
so I don't really get your point?" - when all around the treatment of
women gets worse - visibly, clearly, uncomfortably, painfully, devastatingly worse.
Why am I pleading, arguing, persuading, as though it is both my
job to convince you that women shouldn't be treated like this, and my job to
communicate this in such a way as you wont feel offended or threatened? Perhaps
because the imaginary you in my head is male, and the arbiter of what is and
isn't acceptable in our society, and has the right to dismiss my concerns if
not expressed in a way acceptable to you. This is why we call it the
patriarchy - because we are trapped in the system - the game not of our making
- and women need men to put their egos down and see what we are so clearly
seeing if this is to change.
I think people in my daily sphere have found it easier to see that
there are systems that need dismantling when we talk about race. If our
systems and social structures have been built by white culture for the benefit
of white people, then inviting people of different racial and cultural
identities to be part of those intrinsically white systems and structures isn't
what equality looks like. We clearly need to create systems and structures
together, for everyone, that reflect everyone involved. But I find myself
asking if we are ever going to take the real work this endeavour needs
seriously when our attempts to move to an equal society for women and men have
failed us so deeply.
Equality isn't just "letting" women do the things that
up until relatively recently only men have done.(And there I am framing the
male as normative and decision maker again, aren't I?) In my sphere women
can now wear the pointy hats. And sit at the tables. And follow the same
shocking example of terrible work life balance that we are told is the only
real model of leadership possible. We are told that because there are women at
the table now, women's voice is represented. Then the women at the table will
be told that they are there not tokenistically to represent women, but because
of their wider skills and role. However sincerely any of this is meant - we
have a seat at the table only to be told that we do not have permission to talk
about the continuing challenges women face.
And why are we still asking permission? Because in a church which
has enshrined the right to believe women priests to be delusional fantasists in
law - our presence can feel highly contingent, even when many of us are
affirmed, embraced and welcomed. We’re still
being welcomed to someone else’s party, not welcomed home. We are operating in
a system and structure which was not of our making and does not reflect us, and
asks us to bend ourselves to be something else. Perhaps that is why our
leaders are sometimes disappointed that we are not more dynamic, inspired and
creative? "We're going to wrap you up in the same chains we carry
and then accuse you of not being able to fly."
Because power, because patriarchy. People don't speak out more
because it is not rewarded or appreciated. It is labelled, avoided, shunned,
blamed, managed. Put in the corner with its pony and its drum and its
role that can't do any harm (by which I mean, actually influence change for the
better). I am genuinely sorry that this sounds so accusatory. I accuse myself of not doing more as I listen
to these news stories. I am sorry for every
time I have swallowed the “you only get to join in if you don’t talk about that
stuff” line. I am sorry for every time I have colluded with things that are wrong because I
imagined if I did one day I would be given permission to help put things right.
Between my feed, my radio choices and my family - I came across
these three stories within half an hour this morning. I am glad that these
stories are being heard - but I'm reminded of the work of @CountingDeadWomen -
and of the words of Desmond Tutu about pulling people out of the river.
To paraphrase - there comes a point where we need to stop counting dead women
and do something about why they are being killed. There comes a point where we
have to accept that a rise in violence against women, a rise in inequality in
workplaces and homes, the persistent silencing of women's voices, an internet
full of misogyny, does not reflect a society that has cheerfully achieved a
holistic human equality in which our systems and practices respect all human
beings in their God-made integrity. We have got something terribly wrong and it
will take something more intentional than a faith in meritocracy and the
assumption that equality is letting the girls play with the boys' toys to put
it right.
