Having launched myself into blogging with great enthusiasm in January I found myself suddenly lost for words at the beginning of February. Two of my parishioners died 10 days ago, on the same day. Both were wonderful men, much loved, who had lead full and interesting lives, who had loved the church and worked hard for it for many years. One lived a good long life, and the other one not long enough. That is all I will say of that - but the grief and shock which has struck our community has been heavy indeed.
I have always known that at times of great emotional stress that my voice is lost to me. I am a singer - and a talker - my voice is a precious gift to me which brings me great joy of itself and in service of others. However at times when things are really good - or really bad - and at the indefinable times when I have felt closest to God's presence - it is gone. My blogging voice has been gone too this last 10 days - it seemed there was no reasonable or respectful way to use the typed word.
Both kinds of silence - the vocal kind and posting kind - seem in some way to be a gift rather than an absence. It is like an insistence that I just be in the place, be it thorny and uncomfortable or otherwise, without the pressure of mediation or self-narrative.
"The grace of God comes close, to those whose grace is spent,
When hearts are tired or sore and hope is bruised or bent."
The voice is back - and by the grace of God life now goes on.